To the ends of the earth

I spoke with a woman today who knows our story, and yet still hinted (not so subtly) that in her mind I only have one child.  As we parted ways, she told me that she hoped I was enjoying my maternity leave.   In the interest of harmony, I will bite my tongue for now. But I have been replaying the conversation that I wish I could have with her in my mind all day...

If you are a parent (she is), think back to when you were pregnant. Remember all of the hopes and dreams that you had for your child. All the planning and preparing that consumed 9 months of your life. The exhaustion, pain and hormones that come with sharing your body with another human being.

Now bring yourself to the day your child was born. Do you still remember the beginning stages of labor, and all of the anticipation that comes with that? What about the pain of the contractions that you knew would bring you your baby? Giving birth is an experience embedded deep in every mother's mind and heart. Can you still feel all the emotions that came flooding over you as you pushed your baby from your body? And the first time you saw your child - have you ever loved anyone more than you did in that second?

What would happen if your child was taken from you at that moment? "I am sorry. You can't have your baby. You may look at him for awhile, but he can't go home with you.". What if you were forced, against your will, to hand your baby over to strangers before leaving the hospital?

No matter how loudly you scream, no one will come and help you. There is NOTHING you can do. There is no choice. You must go home without your baby. And you will never see him again. There is no ransom that can be paid, no police or court that can intervene - your baby is simply gone.  Taken from you without your consent.

Do you write that child off? He is gone so he never existed? Would you ever stop looking for him?  No. Mothers all over the world would walk through fire and never stop searching for their baby. What if your 2 year old disappeared? Or your 10 year old? Do they suddenly stop counting as one of your children?

Just because my child is no longer on this earth does not make him any less my son.

I am sorry if thinking of me as having two children makes you uncomfortable. Just think about how I feel about it.  Maternity leave without a baby to care for is a blast.

An angel in the book of life wrote down our baby's birth.  Then whispered as she closed the book, "too beautiful for earth"