Merry Christmas Livie (and Carter)

Happy Belated St. Nick's day!  In our house, we set out our shoes on December 5th before bed, and St. Nick brings Christmas jammies during the night.  It was quite a debate, but in the end Livie picked her pink sparkle shoes to leave out.  Our little bird is now the proud new owner of silky pink Christmas pajamas.  She didn't ask about setting Carter's shoes out.  If she had, I would have let her - I already have his Christmas pajamas.

I have been really struggling how to incorporate Carter into our family Christmas this year.   We were expecting him to be here with us - Santa was supposed to bring toys for two kids this year.  How do I find the balance of making the season special for Liv, but still including her brother?   What do I do with his Christmas jammies?  And the presents I already bought him?  I miss him so much, I'm not ready to part with his things.

Our Christmas tree still isn't up, either are the Christmas lights.  I bought Carter a stocking on etsy - I just couldn't not have one for him.  The seller had some poor feedback recently, but the stocking was absolutely perfect so I took a chance on her.  And of course, there is no sign of the stocking arriving any time soon.  I'm not sure if I can bring myself to hang the other stockings without Carter's.  Isn't it perfect?

I hope it arrives eventually.  The seller promised she would ship it by the 5th but won't respond to my message asking for confirmation that she sent it.  I am so ridiculously anxious over a silly stocking.  I try to remind myself that it is just some cloth.  And that I can't worry myself over it - I have a living child that I need to focus on.  I don't want her to think back and remember (and believe me - she remembers everything) Christmas as a time of tears.  I don't want to steal her magic.

I may have forgotten to move him one night (thankfully I noticed before Livie did) but I am really trying to keep Clifford the elf exciting for Livie.  At least it is something special for her right now.  Last night he brought her a ginger bread house kit that we will put together as a family this weekend.  And a couple nights ago he got into the arts and crafts and made himself a snowflake.

Livie was super excited when she saw Clifford's snowflake.  She told me she wanted to hang it in the window so Carter could look down and see it.  I wish everything was as simple as Livie makes it out to be.